Friday, September 22, 2017

Andreia Guerrero, 33 in 3 days.

I, Andreia Guerrero. Would honestly say that I am proud of myself. For being able to last this long considering the hardships of life being a transsexual woman. I have been bullied all through-out school, and have commited suicide more than twice, being used and treated terribly by people, by men, being negative and everything, have really come into being a person that I want to. I may not be a powerful, rich nor influential person, not a beautifully, drop-dead gorgeous woman with a perfect body. But aside from all my imperfections, I am imperfectly perfect and I am proud of myself for surviving 32 years and in 3 days 33 years of my life. You only become stronger everyday and you laugh of all the bad memories. Grateful for them because they made me who I am and my most powerful weapon that I share with you all is that everyone needs to smile everyday. Even at their darkest hour. It transforms you and makes you appreciate even the smallest of things. I love myself, I don't care if I am single for 8 years or probably for life, as long as I am happy and If I am not, I will always smile. To hell with it all. I am an effin' survivor that will always smile and always look at the beautiful side of life

Saturday, June 24, 2017

Songwriting Scraps 001

Everyday I'm reminded
of the air that I feel
Every passing day
trying
I'm trying to open
the door to a sanctuary
that's within me



Tuesday, May 23, 2017

First Album Plans

I had an epiphany about what the theme for my first album should be. It is about love for one's self.
Finding love in yourself for me, is the very hardest thing to do. It takes time and it doesn't always go smoothly.

Sunday, May 21, 2017

Fasting: My Personal Experience

I am an experienced faster. If you want to remove your illness try a  3 day fast. Nothing , no food just drinking water.
1st day - hardest day to fight hunger- tongue white at the end of the day or 2
2nd day - a little fatigue or maybe some headache you still think of food
3rd day - you could vomit. tongue still white breathe stinks you
4th day - weakness. you could also vomit if you didn't the 3rd day
5th day - everything is almost clearing up you don't feel hungry at all
6th day - same as 5th day but do remember to take water always to avoid the headaches. but u don't feel the need to eat. and skin is clearing up.

that is how long I fasted. But only take soups and liquids first week of breaking the fast. And you realize your arthritis is gone and other illnesses. Clearer complexion. I feel someone my complexion was better.

Friday, May 5, 2017

A Little Appreciation For Myself

I am a chronically depressed transgender woman.
I think looking back in my life, it probably is not the most exciting.
The sex was exciting before transition.
But with all the downs I am pretty much amazed at myself
For having created art that even I appreciate.

I really wonder how I lasted this long in the world
Now I choose to believe that everything is a miracle.

Tuesday, May 2, 2017

I have my own way of pronouncing Tagalog words..


Makati - Makaty (like Katy Perry)
Bilis - Veeh lized.
Kamay - Ka Mey
Laguna - Laguney
Baso - Base
Ampalaya - Ampalayey
Unan - You nan
malandi - Maleynd
kurtina - kurteyn
daliri - da lire (like the instrument)
lamesa - la mest
daan - da eyn
lalake - la lake (as in body of water)
babae - ba bey
baboy - bey boy
sahig - sa hayg
harang - haRANG
dumi - dumay
ewan - you wan
kadiri - ka dire

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

Who You Are. Who You Truly Are

Fat, Ugly, Weird, Old, Creepy, or whatever it is

At the end of the day,
It's just an adjective.
It doesn't define you.

You need to see past the definition
To see your true self.

For who you are
For who you truly are.

Sunday, April 23, 2017

What Does Aging Gracefully and Well Mean?

What does it mean really?

Like if you have a certain wrinkle in the face that is not too obtrusive with the facial features?
How big is a wrinkle? How prominent it is?
The skin texture? What kind of texture should it be?

Is it just nitpicking?
Or do people see it on the face as a whole?
Or not just the face but the body?

Hmm, I am curious. These standards are too vague, It's all subjective. But still there's a majority.

Well, I guess looks matter.

Monday, April 17, 2017

An Idea About A Movement

I am thinking about starting or at least making an idea about a certain movement.
You know about garbage people just throw ANYWHERE.
Sigh. It never ends so I thought of an idea that is simple yet anyone could.

Maybe this is a movement, an idea or simply just a rant.

It basically is just about making sure that there is a garbage can/trash bin or whatever you call it
in the vicnity. Everywhere. For like 20 steps more or less (I don't know how to convert it to square meters but maybe 10-20 sq. m) There should be some can where people could throw their trash.

Sometimes I go out and walk and sometimes I see a dirty place and there was no trash can.
I think this is simple. I think this is one small step.

Monday, April 10, 2017

Another Story: The Book of Creation.

Once before time was discovered,
There exists a book.
It is a simple book.
It was a mysterious book.
It was a powerful book.
the most powerful book of all time.
It is not a good book.
It is not an evil book either.
But a playful book
It would let others write into it.
But It always disappears the moment it feels used.
Write anything and the book will do magic.
But after you write your desires, the book will disappear to another place.
The book, is always empty.
Once someone writes something, it disappears.
It doesn't judge, nor it doesn't look.
An aberration to some
A blessing to others.
It is not responsible for anything
It just is.

The Book of Creation.

I am.

I am a creative person, I guess It is not assuming and arrogant to say that I am an artist. I have sewed, stitched, embroidered, weaved, painted, sketched, stenciled, patterned, laid out, imagined, created, sculpted, crafted, designed twisted wires, decoupaged, modified, edited, photoshopped, youtubed, flashed, powerpointed, wrote, enhanced, sang, and danced through all the stuff that took my interest. What's missing is to finish the record track that I am producing and make a music video out of it.
martial arts too, if I weren't so lazy to move my body and weren't shy to be seen with sweat and being active then I would probably join a martial arts program as well.

Sunday, April 9, 2017

Looking Back, Far Back In History

There is something about the past, a hundred, a thousand years ago.
The ancient history, medieval times, mythology.

It's just beautiful, the tragedy, the romance, the simplicity, sophistry, elegance, sadness, intricacies.
EVERYTHING.

I am being chased by beautiful romantic moments that I would imagine, no matter how romantic or tragic they were. I could just picture them (or myself) in my imagination.

Maybe reincarnation is real? Well, who knows.

But yeah, th classic paintings, classic designs, faded designs, vintag stuff. everything antique-looking.

Aah.

Thursday, April 6, 2017

WTF Is your problem?

Nagsimula lang lahat sa pagreklamo ko sa paninigarilyo mo sa loob ng bahay.
Wala ka talagang pakialam kahit kanino. Ang lagi mong linya: Wag ka makialam. Kahit kanino sasabihin mo yan. Kung ano ano pa sasabihin mo na walang kaugnayan.
Demonyo kang ate ka naituringan ka pa namang mas nakakatanda.

Di bale ng bihira ako maligo, at nasa kwarto  ako at gumagawa ako ng mga art kesyo pananahi, pagpaint, atbp. at wala akong lovelife dahil kuntento na ako sa buhay ko. Kesa naman sa iyo kababae mong tao hatinggabi kasama mga tropa mong masamang impuwensya naglalaseng kayo tapos lagi lagi mong hinaharass anak mo kaya wala ng respeto sayo lagi na din nakasigaw tulad mo.
Gagamitin mo pa ang excuse na lagi ako nasa kwarto. Eh marami akong pinagkakaabalahan sa kwarto online games, arts, crafts, surfing the net, anime. Palibhasa yung kwarto mo hindi mo linilinis ginawa mo na lang tambakan ng mga gamit na ilang taon ng hindi ginagamit. Kaya lahat
 ng tao dito kailangan maparusahan makita kang natutulog sa sala labas ang pwet at kulang na lang pekpek mo makitaan.

Hindi ako sobrang bored sa buhay ko na kailangan ko ang company ng iba di ako tulad mo. Marami ako kaya gawin just by being alone. Marami ako nagagawa. Mula noon ang laki na ng inggit mo saakin. Di naman ako ang inispoil ng magulang kundi ikaw. Di ko na kasalanan un problema mo na yun. Kung saan saan mo pa papupuntahin ang usapan Wag ka lang magyosi sa loob ng bahay dahil naamoy ko at ng mga bata. Simple.

Tapos pati ung tita mo na nagalaga sayo pag may sinabi lang sasabihan mo rin ng linya mong "wag kang makialam" Palibahasa hindi mo hinuhugasan sarili mong plato at un tissue mo ng pinagsingahan mo ng sipon tinatapon mo lang sa sahig. Nananadya ka na talaga. Sasabihin mo parin lagi "wag kang makialam" Pwes, habang nandito ako nakatira makikialam ako dahil ang talagang rule naman sa bahay ay para sa ikabubuti ng iba, Pero lagi mo ngang sinasabi "Wala akong pakialam" Pwes, wala rin akong pakialam sayo.

Wednesday, April 5, 2017

Focusing on Health.

Bought some coconut oil, vitamin E and C supplements.
I want to get better. I am positive more than ever.
And it is gonna get better and better.

More positive and more driven.
Sick and tired of being down so long.

Monday, April 3, 2017

Doll Embroidery and Dressmaking

I have been sewing and making dresses for dolls. I hope I get better.
I have been watching a Korean drama as well: Princess Hours/Goong

When I finish a work I could not believe that I actually made something out of pure determination.
My craft will improve. There is no space for fear and what ifs. I will make it work somehow.

Friday, March 31, 2017

Major Cleaning Day

Cleaning today because I am just so mad about the mess and dirt.
Decluttering, throwing some stuff

 I will add more of my thoughts later.

Monday, March 27, 2017

Being Real Gets You Hate - Apparently

I get vilified because I am an opinionated and unapologetic transgender woman with enough confidence to say what she wants to say and not sugarcoat any words.

The Return of Poetry

OK. So let's start. lol


Simplicity
I lay back and watch the ceiling.
After a morose and sullen evening
I sunk into a soft repose
Calming myself in white painted wood
With shadows placed gently
As the light from the distance emanates

Closed my eyes slowly
I can hear the calming silence
I visualize a new and different world
I have seen in the world that's awake

A sea. A calm sea.
I am amidst the sea.
It's blue and golden
As the surrounding was with gold and orange hues
I am stepping on yellowish white rocks
that seem to be beautifully placed daintily
Stepping stones as I watch my reflection
In the black and dark blue sea that has the most gentlest of ripples.
Ripping ever softly like a feather being swept away and smitten
by the muse of the air.

I find my reflection
It has no emotion
But a longing that everything will be alright
That everything is worth it.
That everything is beautiful
That serenity I could only find
When I visualize beauty.

Beauty that I have no knowledge of its origin
Just in awe of all that is beautiful and calming
Even if it's one of the most simplest of places
Of nothingness.

Just the black sea and white rocks.
and that reflection I could never figure out.
But I know that it is a good thing.
It is a beautiful thing
Something is telling me that it is.
And it will forever be in a place of
Beauty, Serenity and Peace.

Thursday, March 23, 2017

Thoughts, Art and the Heat

Summer starts. I know it will, and has. I wonder why I am even surprised.

I think it is the heat that drives us into a weird little place of deep thinking.

Anyway, I wish there was a more cohesive and eloquent explanation to all of this.
 I am cautious about everything that I watch online, and everything that I get feeded with. At the back of my head there's this hidden agenda of certain political issues that not even the smartest, most political people could nor would notice. Just the subliminal and unconscious deep that sometimes I find can be so concealed even by the main issues of a particular topic.
It is always good to have a certain degree of doubt even when you are feeded the truth.

The truth is the truth but the whole story is never absolute.

I will always have a little doubt in everything. I think skepticism is healthy.
I might just be a cynic, though I wonder what is more healthy between the too.
I think they are healthy at some certain extent.

I think if we all are skeptics with smiles on our faces and a bright, and positive attitude, that would make the whole world better.

Unfortunately, as individuals, we are given different kinds of perspectives upon our very personal and unique experiences. That shapes us into different beings.
And I notice that the more we age, the more limitations are put into our imagination.

As someone who does art, I find myself more uninhabited with art when I was younger, Though there was a lot to learn that time, the limitations were less in those times when it comes to doing art. The logic was lesser making the art have more freedom and capability even if the technique was lacking. The ideas weren't so limited by the logical restrictions.

It may not seem obvious but when you matur - more logic is being use and that affects art. Physics affect how we shape our art even if it is the subconscious. It may not translate into the major message of the art but it does with the little details. Proportion, distance. Physics affect us and our art.

We weren't so encumbered by physics regarding our art (and other crafts) when we were young. Unless that is actually science that we do. We were free doing unproportioned bodies and stick boies, flowers that fly in the air, clouds that are red an every other thing.

The child in each of us started out as an unrestricted genius that slowly became mellowed down by this plane of existence.

We could only wish for youth But youth not only means looking young, it is also that passion for life.
A passion that might dwindle for some of us. We need that special formula for that zest for life and a positive attitude everyday.

Monday, March 20, 2017

    I've never felt so happy.. I could almost cry.
    Thank you Vitamin E!
    LOL


    This high on March 19, I want to remember it forever, Always happy.
    I can do it.

Tuesday, March 14, 2017

Nightmare: Kitchen Submission



Had a nightmare about being murdered in the kitchen. The final moments of my life I asked "What is it that you so hate about me?"
It answered "I can't stand you. And that aura of yours." and then it lunged at me with a sharp object towards my face and then I woke up.

Told myself "Meh, evil can't defeat me. I'm not even good... I'm better."

Monday, March 13, 2017

A Little More About Me and Life (Again)

Growing up I was always shy and timid, I still am at some point. More likely reserved. But there's always an invisible raised eyebrow and an unseen wall that exists in the back of my head. I like to keep it cool and laid-back. But I don't give retorts in a laid-back manner, I kill it swiftly or just ignore it depending on my mood.

When I was young I was forced to play gender roles that I don't really like.
You are this so you should carry that.
You are that so you must grow up to be that.
This is the toy for you, not the other one.
Why are people so hellbent on my fucking gender business?

Even today, People tell me not to do this or that because I am of a certain gender.
Well, fuck you. This is my fucking body. I am the one that has to live with it and not you.

And with those lines people have misunderstood me yet again, Perceiving me as to be already angry.
But in fact, I am just stating facts.
And no, I just don't have time for bullshit.

I am so sick of ignorant and close-minded people who know nothing of my journey.
They are so stuck up with their mundane and traditional, old ways that they forget to live a little and learn how to respect another person's way of living.

And this is an old story and I have moved on. But it is fun to mention such things.
Sometimes you remember insignificant things being told about you.
And as human beings we take emotion as a good catalyst for recording memories.

I mean, someone has already called me immoral. And he is gay. Like WTF right?
I mean, I am not the one chasing after a guy and then signs up for a religious group.
Such an effin' hypocrite.

Anyway, Enough about retards. lol.

Now I am just living a life that I hope in the future would be worth it. If not, well, We could always find a reason that would make us feel better, or worst case brainwash ourselves that our life is good. Not to be a pessimist But I am not.
I just like shifting from polar perspectives. It does sound pessimistic because the easy and great things are always predictable. When you compare the ending of some movie, the happy ending always goes like; They got married, or they lived happily after, or he survived and became successful.

The bad stuff is more complicated, sophisticated and artistic for me, Compared to the good stuff, Like some plot twist that leaves the viewers hanging and feeling just a little bit empty or manipulated in a bad way, Or be forced into a situation that leaves the main character helpless.
We complain a lot because we don't like those things and most of them are not even the worst.
But because we leave anything below the good - as bad.  We can't take mediocrity.

That is the beauty of living in this world. A world where there's a variety of opinion. Although results mostly only matter, But because there's a variety of opinion, the opinion could trump a bad result.


When we only see what we want to see,It is how we think that makes us. It changes everything.

Saturday, March 11, 2017

Net Issue That Started The Computer Issues

Won't forget this day of this year 2017. And what a coincidence that it is my friend Rod's Birthday.

Happy Birthday Rod! :D


Today is where I had to actually reset my PC (Windows 10) and remove all the installed programs and return all the settings to default..

Just because I installed this program Intel Pro Wireless - My internet connection disappeared.
So I had to disable/uninstall, troubleshoot..
I tried everything I can to not reset but after all the difficulties, it was plain unfortunate,
and I the end. Reset PC.

Everything is fine now, At least I get to start anew - Well, somewhat.
I will fix this hopefully everything in a week. And then continue on with my real goals.


Monday, March 6, 2017

Humanity

Sometimes In the awfully silent moments I find myself staring at my bare hand. Lots of lines.
What am I doing? What am I thinking? Am I the only one?
Just by looking at it, I could feel the reality, the raw truth of my existence saying "I am here. I am alive"

In retrospect, I find myself just thinking without limitation. I mean, Why would I think about every soul that has ever existed in this plane?
Why does death happen? I do wonder if we would be overpopulated if no one dies.

I don't want to think about life and death but sometimes I wonder what is the whole effing point.
I could go on and on about strange stuff that may seem inappropriate and awkward when it comes to humanities and our origins but no matter what I may think It all is just a whole can of worms that is really just pointless. Even if it is, I still acknowledge it through this little article.

We all hurt. We all are our experiences towards one another.
Kindness is a virtue but variety is nature.
So expect all the crazy stuff people do.

I have yet to expand my horizons. I want to try opening my third eye.

Fears and Illusions


There's no point in asking if our lives are worth living for.
It's meaningless.
It's pointless.
Just live every single day as if it were the last.

Go ahead, make mistakes.
Go many directions.
Don't forget to always follow what you think is right.
And don't forget to follow your heart.
But mix in a little thinking.

Time is an illusion.
Only use it when you have a deadline or some goal.
Do everything.
Seize the day.

Fruitless may be the fruition.
There is no loss in trying.
Only values and lessons

Failure is an illusion itself hiding behind a concrete result.
Fear is an illusion of the mind.
We all fear.
We all fear failure.

Let the wind blow
Let the rain drop
Let the leaves fall
Let the sun shine
Let the day pass
Let the night rest.

Sunday, March 5, 2017

Welcome to my blog!

Yes, It's my blog and I invite you all to the wonderful universe that is my mind.

Who am I and why should you care?
Well, I'm nobody, I am just one spec in this whole multiverse. It is not up to me if you should care But for me, this is my outlet for speaking my mind and sharing something to the world. Also, this provides as my time capsule. After many years, I would gladly look back at this and amuse myself which is why I started this thing. I made this blog 4 years ago but just started now.

 I will write whatever I want and there's nothing you can do about it. :P

I'm laid back but my mind is always up to something.

This world, as time goes by - fears honesty. I am all about honesty.
Patience? I don't like it. Honesty? Now you're talkin'!


Truly this is a wonderful day and age to be living. We haven't killed all of our resources. and we haven't killed everyone yet.


It's good to live. It is good to be living.