Friday, March 31, 2017

Major Cleaning Day

Cleaning today because I am just so mad about the mess and dirt.
Decluttering, throwing some stuff

 I will add more of my thoughts later.

Monday, March 27, 2017

Being Real Gets You Hate - Apparently

I get vilified because I am an opinionated and unapologetic transgender woman with enough confidence to say what she wants to say and not sugarcoat any words.

The Return of Poetry

OK. So let's start. lol

I lay back and watch the ceiling.
After a morose and sullen evening
I sunk into a soft repose
Calming myself in white painted wood
With shadows placed gently
As the light from the distance emanates

Closed my eyes slowly
I can hear the calming silence
I visualize a new and different world
I have seen in the world that's awake

A sea. A calm sea.
I am amidst the sea.
It's blue and golden
As the surrounding was with gold and orange hues
I am stepping on yellowish white rocks
that seem to be beautifully placed daintily
Stepping stones as I watch my reflection
In the black and dark blue sea that has the most gentlest of ripples.
Ripping ever softly like a feather being swept away and smitten
by the muse of the air.

I find my reflection
It has no emotion
But a longing that everything will be alright
That everything is worth it.
That everything is beautiful
That serenity I could only find
When I visualize beauty.

Beauty that I have no knowledge of its origin
Just in awe of all that is beautiful and calming
Even if it's one of the most simplest of places
Of nothingness.

Just the black sea and white rocks.
and that reflection I could never figure out.
But I know that it is a good thing.
It is a beautiful thing
Something is telling me that it is.
And it will forever be in a place of
Beauty, Serenity and Peace.

Thursday, March 23, 2017

Thoughts, Art and the Heat

Summer starts. I know it will, and has. I wonder why I am even surprised.

I think it is the heat that drives us into a weird little place of deep thinking.

Anyway, I wish there was a more cohesive and eloquent explanation to all of this.
 I am cautious about everything that I watch online, and everything that I get feeded with. At the back of my head there's this hidden agenda of certain political issues that not even the smartest, most political people could nor would notice. Just the subliminal and unconscious deep that sometimes I find can be so concealed even by the main issues of a particular topic.
It is always good to have a certain degree of doubt even when you are feeded the truth.

The truth is the truth but the whole story is never absolute.

I will always have a little doubt in everything. I think skepticism is healthy.
I might just be a cynic, though I wonder what is more healthy between the too.
I think they are healthy at some certain extent.

I think if we all are skeptics with smiles on our faces and a bright, and positive attitude, that would make the whole world better.

Unfortunately, as individuals, we are given different kinds of perspectives upon our very personal and unique experiences. That shapes us into different beings.
And I notice that the more we age, the more limitations are put into our imagination.

As someone who does art, I find myself more uninhabited with art when I was younger, Though there was a lot to learn that time, the limitations were less in those times when it comes to doing art. The logic was lesser making the art have more freedom and capability even if the technique was lacking. The ideas weren't so limited by the logical restrictions.

It may not seem obvious but when you matur - more logic is being use and that affects art. Physics affect how we shape our art even if it is the subconscious. It may not translate into the major message of the art but it does with the little details. Proportion, distance. Physics affect us and our art.

We weren't so encumbered by physics regarding our art (and other crafts) when we were young. Unless that is actually science that we do. We were free doing unproportioned bodies and stick boies, flowers that fly in the air, clouds that are red an every other thing.

The child in each of us started out as an unrestricted genius that slowly became mellowed down by this plane of existence.

We could only wish for youth But youth not only means looking young, it is also that passion for life.
A passion that might dwindle for some of us. We need that special formula for that zest for life and a positive attitude everyday.

Monday, March 20, 2017

    I've never felt so happy.. I could almost cry.
    Thank you Vitamin E!

    This high on March 19, I want to remember it forever, Always happy.
    I can do it.

Tuesday, March 14, 2017

Nightmare: Kitchen Submission

Had a nightmare about being murdered in the kitchen. The final moments of my life I asked "What is it that you so hate about me?"
It answered "I can't stand you. And that aura of yours." and then it lunged at me with a sharp object towards my face and then I woke up.

Told myself "Meh, evil can't defeat me. I'm not even good... I'm better."

Monday, March 13, 2017

A Little More About Me and Life (Again)

Growing up I was always shy and timid, I still am at some point. More likely reserved. But there's always an invisible raised eyebrow and an unseen wall that exists in the back of my head. I like to keep it cool and laid-back. But I don't give retorts in a laid-back manner, I kill it swiftly or just ignore it depending on my mood.

When I was young I was forced to play gender roles that I don't really like.
You are this so you should carry that.
You are that so you must grow up to be that.
This is the toy for you, not the other one.
Why are people so hellbent on my fucking gender business?

Even today, People tell me not to do this or that because I am of a certain gender.
Well, fuck you. This is my fucking body. I am the one that has to live with it and not you.

And with those lines people have misunderstood me yet again, Perceiving me as to be already angry.
But in fact, I am just stating facts.
And no, I just don't have time for bullshit.

I am so sick of ignorant and close-minded people who know nothing of my journey.
They are so stuck up with their mundane and traditional, old ways that they forget to live a little and learn how to respect another person's way of living.

And this is an old story and I have moved on. But it is fun to mention such things.
Sometimes you remember insignificant things being told about you.
And as human beings we take emotion as a good catalyst for recording memories.

I mean, someone has already called me immoral. And he is gay. Like WTF right?
I mean, I am not the one chasing after a guy and then signs up for a religious group.
Such an effin' hypocrite.

Anyway, Enough about retards. lol.

Now I am just living a life that I hope in the future would be worth it. If not, well, We could always find a reason that would make us feel better, or worst case brainwash ourselves that our life is good. Not to be a pessimist But I am not.
I just like shifting from polar perspectives. It does sound pessimistic because the easy and great things are always predictable. When you compare the ending of some movie, the happy ending always goes like; They got married, or they lived happily after, or he survived and became successful.

The bad stuff is more complicated, sophisticated and artistic for me, Compared to the good stuff, Like some plot twist that leaves the viewers hanging and feeling just a little bit empty or manipulated in a bad way, Or be forced into a situation that leaves the main character helpless.
We complain a lot because we don't like those things and most of them are not even the worst.
But because we leave anything below the good - as bad.  We can't take mediocrity.

That is the beauty of living in this world. A world where there's a variety of opinion. Although results mostly only matter, But because there's a variety of opinion, the opinion could trump a bad result.

When we only see what we want to see,It is how we think that makes us. It changes everything.

Saturday, March 11, 2017

Net Issue That Started The Computer Issues

Won't forget this day of this year 2017. And what a coincidence that it is my friend Rod's Birthday.

Happy Birthday Rod! :D

Today is where I had to actually reset my PC (Windows 10) and remove all the installed programs and return all the settings to default..

Just because I installed this program Intel Pro Wireless - My internet connection disappeared.
So I had to disable/uninstall, troubleshoot..
I tried everything I can to not reset but after all the difficulties, it was plain unfortunate,
and I the end. Reset PC.

Everything is fine now, At least I get to start anew - Well, somewhat.
I will fix this hopefully everything in a week. And then continue on with my real goals.

Monday, March 6, 2017


Sometimes In the awfully silent moments I find myself staring at my bare hand. Lots of lines.
What am I doing? What am I thinking? Am I the only one?
Just by looking at it, I could feel the reality, the raw truth of my existence saying "I am here. I am alive"

In retrospect, I find myself just thinking without limitation. I mean, Why would I think about every soul that has ever existed in this plane?
Why does death happen? I do wonder if we would be overpopulated if no one dies.

I don't want to think about life and death but sometimes I wonder what is the whole effing point.
I could go on and on about strange stuff that may seem inappropriate and awkward when it comes to humanities and our origins but no matter what I may think It all is just a whole can of worms that is really just pointless. Even if it is, I still acknowledge it through this little article.

We all hurt. We all are our experiences towards one another.
Kindness is a virtue but variety is nature.
So expect all the crazy stuff people do.

I have yet to expand my horizons. I want to try opening my third eye.

Fears and Illusions

There's no point in asking if our lives are worth living for.
It's meaningless.
It's pointless.
Just live every single day as if it were the last.

Go ahead, make mistakes.
Go many directions.
Don't forget to always follow what you think is right.
And don't forget to follow your heart.
But mix in a little thinking.

Time is an illusion.
Only use it when you have a deadline or some goal.
Do everything.
Seize the day.

Fruitless may be the fruition.
There is no loss in trying.
Only values and lessons

Failure is an illusion itself hiding behind a concrete result.
Fear is an illusion of the mind.
We all fear.
We all fear failure.

Let the wind blow
Let the rain drop
Let the leaves fall
Let the sun shine
Let the day pass
Let the night rest.

Sunday, March 5, 2017

Welcome to my blog!

Yes, It's my blog and I invite you all to the wonderful universe that is my mind.

Who am I and why should you care?
Well, I'm nobody, I am just one spec in this whole multiverse. It is not up to me if you should care But for me, this is my outlet for speaking my mind and sharing something to the world. Also, this provides as my time capsule. After many years, I would gladly look back at this and amuse myself which is why I started this thing. I made this blog 4 years ago but just started now.

 I will write whatever I want and there's nothing you can do about it. :P

I'm laid back but my mind is always up to something.

This world, as time goes by - fears honesty. I am all about honesty.
Patience? I don't like it. Honesty? Now you're talkin'!

Truly this is a wonderful day and age to be living. We haven't killed all of our resources. and we haven't killed everyone yet.

It's good to live. It is good to be living.