A Little Appreciation For Myself

I am a chronically depressed transgender woman.
I think looking back in my life, it probably is not the most exciting.
The sex was exciting before transition.
But with all the downs I am pretty much amazed at myself
For having created art that even I appreciate.

I really wonder how I lasted this long in the world
Now I choose to believe that everything is a miracle.

I am.

I am a creative person, I guess It is not assuming and arrogant to say that I am an artist. I have sewed, stitched, embroidered, weaved, painted, sketched, stenciled, patterned, laid out, imagined, created, sculpted, crafted, designed twisted wires, decoupaged, modified, edited, photoshopped, youtubed, flashed, powerpointed, wrote, enhanced, sang, and danced through all the stuff that took my interest. What's missing is to finish the record track that I am producing and make a music video out of it.
martial arts too, if I weren't so lazy to move my body and weren't shy to be seen with sweat and being active then I would probably join a martial arts program as well.

Thoughts, Art and the Heat

Summer starts. I know it will, and has. I wonder why I am even surprised.

I think it is the heat that drives us into a weird little place of deep thinking.

Anyway, I wish there was a more cohesive and eloquent explanation to all of this.
 I am cautious about everything that I watch online, and everything that I get feeded with. At the back of my head there's this hidden agenda of certain political issues that not even the smartest, most political people could nor would notice. Just the subliminal and unconscious deep that sometimes I find can be so concealed even by the main issues of a particular topic.
It is always good to have a certain degree of doubt even when you are feeded the truth.

The truth is the truth but the whole story is never absolute.

I will always have a little doubt in everything. I think skepticism is healthy.
I might just be a cynic, though I wonder what is more healthy between the too.
I think they are healthy at some certain extent.

I think if we all are skeptics with smiles on our faces and a bright, and positive attitude, that would make the whole world better.

Unfortunately, as individuals, we are given different kinds of perspectives upon our very personal and unique experiences. That shapes us into different beings.
And I notice that the more we age, the more limitations are put into our imagination.

As someone who does art, I find myself more uninhabited with art when I was younger, Though there was a lot to learn that time, the limitations were less in those times when it comes to doing art. The logic was lesser making the art have more freedom and capability even if the technique was lacking. The ideas weren't so limited by the logical restrictions.

It may not seem obvious but when you matur - more logic is being use and that affects art. Physics affect how we shape our art even if it is the subconscious. It may not translate into the major message of the art but it does with the little details. Proportion, distance. Physics affect us and our art.

We weren't so encumbered by physics regarding our art (and other crafts) when we were young. Unless that is actually science that we do. We were free doing unproportioned bodies and stick boies, flowers that fly in the air, clouds that are red an every other thing.

The child in each of us started out as an unrestricted genius that slowly became mellowed down by this plane of existence.

We could only wish for youth But youth not only means looking young, it is also that passion for life.
A passion that might dwindle for some of us. We need that special formula for that zest for life and a positive attitude everyday.